Update: Still using this as a diary
So I was watching this TV series, which is supposed to be funny and ironically I got a life lesson. I mean I kinda knew about this thing about myself, but maybe I didn’t want to accept it?! Anyways, it was about this person who backstabbed his best friend to become more successful in life. He had to choose between saving his friend’s career or skyrocket his. So he obviously took the latter option.
That got me thinking, I’d probably be the person who would look out for his friend. I wouldn’t have took the easy way out and be that selfish. It’s against my guilty conscious. So I’ve been called things like “the nicest person I’ve ever met” and “caring” and all those sweet things you really want to hear. You can say I’m the good guy. I know a lot of “good” guys deal with the same problem. But my problem is not dealing with rejection from my crushes (because I’m a coward at letting my feelings out). Its actually about not looking at the greater things in life. A lot of options I’ve taken may not have been the best for me, but it certainly seemed right and pleased my guilt. I’d probably be at a much better place if I had taken the other option but hey! Atleast I’m not feeling bad about it. Obviously I still have those “what if” moments every now and then and drown in self loathe. But I don’t care about them when I’m happy.
But I’m not, I always think about those “what if” moments. How I’d be so much happier and better if I’d taken the easy way out instead of the right way out. How I’d love to be the Asshole for once. This constant need of pleasing everybody is changing me every day. Probably for the worst. And I have no control over it at this point. Maybe this is me just drunk or maybe I want me to read it when I open this the next time.
BTW, the show was Bojack Horseman. I told you it’s ironic.
sagnikgh 